It is the title of a book. And a movie. Basically it is a story about a woman who goes through a bad divorce and her journey to recovery. She spends a year traveling and writing.....that would be nice. hahaha. Well, I have children and responsibilities and a budget. In my version I came to Tennessee....and here is what I got.
Eat.
Well I have the eating down. When I first got to TN I started eating with wild abandonment. I can't tell you have awesome it has been to just eat and eat and not worry about whatever. Now my pants are too tight. So I joined weight watchers. So wish me luck. Twice this week I have spent half of my daily points eating cookies. Totally unhealthy.....lol. Guess I need to work out all weekend again. Seriously I am giving up my fantasies of being skinny. I just want to be healthy. I would like to lose the weight back and maybe a few pounds.
Pray.
If you read the post I started back in January and posted tonight you will already know where I am with this.... I have found a church here I really like, for the most part. I miss New Day.
Love.
Ugh. I suck at dating. I have horrible taste in men. And....I give too many allowances. When a man shows me who he is....I need to believe him. I am giving up on the whole on line dating thing. It is horrible. At first I thought it was fun. And if you just want to date around I think it is great. I don't have time for dating around. And in the end it just made me sad. BTW...on Valentine's Day I received 6 Happy Valentine's Day text messages from 6 different guys. Not one flower, card or even date. A text is hardly an effort. I want someone to share life with. I actually really loved being married. BUT.....I don't mind being alone. I will not settle. I will not accept the half hearted any longer. So....that is where I am at with LOVE.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
A Spiritual Crisis...(originally written in January - oh and it is unfinished...sorry)
My weekend did not turn out as planned. At all. Things I was so excited about.....never happened. Things I didn't expect did. But that isn't what this post is about. Saturday night I was driving home from my Aunt Debbie's house and listening to XM radio. I was scanning channels and stopped on The Message, a Christian station. That is where I heard the Jamie Grace song I posted on Facebook. I've heard it before but when I heard it again it just reminded me how much I really like it. The next song that came on was this one...
You don't really have to listen to it but in case you wanted to I thought I'd post it. It isn't as catchy as the Facebook post song....but it is a sweet song. I'm gonna come back to this in a minute.
Since I've been to Tennessee I have been to church 4 times. I went once when I went back to Ohio. I visited a large Baptist church in a neighboring community. You have to wear dresses there. I don't think they appreciated my exposed tattoo and cleavage showing. Would've probably been better off wearing pants. Maybe they didn't care what I was wearing - I don't know. But no one talked to me. No. One. They did ask my kids a bunch of questions though. I tell myself I am not bitter. Then I went to another church a couple of times. I liked it. People were friendly. Very friendly. They don't have music on Sunday morning. I know that is a lame excuse not to go back....and I might go back there someday. I just haven't. I'm gonna come back to this in a minute too....
I've been in Tennessee for four months now. My Aunt asked me if I'd do it all over again - you know....move here, knowing what I know now. I said yes. Oh trust me. There are times I have thought, what have I done. There are times I thought about just packing up and moving back to Ohio. Just not that seriously. My job has taken some adjusting.... It is pretty lonely here but I will admit I have isolated myself in many ways. These four months for me have been very healing for me. I didn't say EASY. But they have been healing. There were a lot of things I did not deal with. Emotions: anger, hurt, shame, defeat, relief. I don't want to be bitter. I don't want to be afraid to trust someone again. Once while going through "pre-divorce" counseling (that of course isn't what it is called but that is what it ended up being) the pastor predicted I would go through a spiritual crisis. I have. I don't deny it. I don't think I could hide it if I wanted to. When I heard that song (Blessings) it sounded like me....
You don't really have to listen to it but in case you wanted to I thought I'd post it. It isn't as catchy as the Facebook post song....but it is a sweet song. I'm gonna come back to this in a minute.
Since I've been to Tennessee I have been to church 4 times. I went once when I went back to Ohio. I visited a large Baptist church in a neighboring community. You have to wear dresses there. I don't think they appreciated my exposed tattoo and cleavage showing. Would've probably been better off wearing pants. Maybe they didn't care what I was wearing - I don't know. But no one talked to me. No. One. They did ask my kids a bunch of questions though. I tell myself I am not bitter. Then I went to another church a couple of times. I liked it. People were friendly. Very friendly. They don't have music on Sunday morning. I know that is a lame excuse not to go back....and I might go back there someday. I just haven't. I'm gonna come back to this in a minute too....
I've been in Tennessee for four months now. My Aunt asked me if I'd do it all over again - you know....move here, knowing what I know now. I said yes. Oh trust me. There are times I have thought, what have I done. There are times I thought about just packing up and moving back to Ohio. Just not that seriously. My job has taken some adjusting.... It is pretty lonely here but I will admit I have isolated myself in many ways. These four months for me have been very healing for me. I didn't say EASY. But they have been healing. There were a lot of things I did not deal with. Emotions: anger, hurt, shame, defeat, relief. I don't want to be bitter. I don't want to be afraid to trust someone again. Once while going through "pre-divorce" counseling (that of course isn't what it is called but that is what it ended up being) the pastor predicted I would go through a spiritual crisis. I have. I don't deny it. I don't think I could hide it if I wanted to. When I heard that song (Blessings) it sounded like me....
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
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