Dear Future Suitors....

It is funny.  Yesterday I announced on Facebook that I was going to write this post.  I got an interesting reaction....including a few private messages.  I've been thinking about this for a long time.  Here is the deal.  I never in a million years ever thought I would have to deal with the topic of dating again.  I enjoyed marriage particularly because I knew I'd never have to suffer through the "dance" again.  But now I am a divorcee.  And it is oh so different this time.  So, I think I should just lay all my cards on the table.  So...here goes my letter.


Dear Future Suitors,

If you do not know me that well I will begin by telling you I am a straight forward kinda girl. I can be a little insensitive so if you don't have thick skin...I apologize in advance.  If I say something that upsets you we can talk about it.  Yelling at me, pouting, throwing a fit....not gonna work.  I am also an independent, strong, confident woman.  That does not mean I am a bitch. Or controlling. Or psycho. Or have a big head.   With that being said....I do have feelings.  I do cry.  I don't like to cry and I will hide it from you and everyone else because that is just me...but I do cry.  When I cry it does not mean I am weak.  It is usually a sign that I am disappointed in myself.  I have lots of faults and trust me I am my own worst critic.  Just because I am confident does not mean I don't want to hear nice things or have your attention. Once a guy told me he didn't want to be too nice to me because it would go to my head and I'd have too much control.  Are you kidding me?  That is stupid.  Also, I am different.  Yes we are all different in our own special way....but I am really different.  I can't really explain it.  I walk to the beat of my own drummer.  I am friendly and generally pretty happy.  I can make friends where ever I go.  I am not afraid to be different but I would not say I am exotic or anything like that. Bold would be more like it. I am goofy.  I have found I have a novelty about me that attracts other people.  Here is my warning....the novelty will wear off.  I promise this.  It will and you will have to decide if you can tolerate me.  The most attractive qualities can quickly become the most repulsive.

Enough about me.  Lets talk about you. 

First and foremost....I have children.  They are the most important thing to me.  If you refer to them as baggage....you're out.  Do I have baggage?  Yes.  My kids are not part of that baggage.  And don't plan on meeting them anytime soon.

I don't really have the time or energy to try to figure out what you are looking for.....just be upfront.  If you just want to be my friend...that is cool but you know the reality of men and women just being friends....come on. This is where being straight forward is best.  Also if you are married or have a girlfriend....well, it is not happenin'. 

If you have a nickname like Skid, Fubar, Romeo, God's Gift or Snuggle Bunny....don't bother.  These are all screen names of men I saw on a dating website.  And no I don't plan to date from a dating website.  I honestly don't even care if I ever date again so....why would I pay an online dating site?  I am not desperate and I don't need you. Wanting you is totally different.  Yes I know being a middle aged woman with three kids is not that marketable.... That doesn't mean you can be a jerk and I will take it.  I am okay with being alone. 

Do not tell me how to cut my hair, color my hair, what to wear or how to talk.  I don't mind if you tell me that you like this or that.  I am not opposed to hearing your opinion but for the love of GOD - don't nag me about it.  I will tell you I like goatees but I won't say I won't be with you if you don't grow one.  Does this make any sense?

I work.  I love my job.  I help people.  I sometimes help people who you may not think deserve it.  Sometimes I don't think they deserve it.  Regardless, I do my job.  You may think little of the people I help but I respect most of them and feel privileged to be part of their lives....involved in very personal situations.  I believe we have all crossed paths for a reason.  I don't make a lot of money and I do work odd hours.  This does not mean my job is MORE important.  It just means it IS important.  If you are going to knock my job....find someone else.  If you are a racist.....find someone else.  If you are constantly going to talk about "people living off the system"....find someone else. I am not saying you are a bad person for having an opinion.  I am just being upfront.  I feel passionate about my job and it is part of me.  If you hate on my job you are hatin' on me.  As for your own job.  You need one.  You don't have to be rich.  You don't have to be a "professional".  I prefer you do a job you enjoy.  If you don't I hope you are looking for a way to "better yourself".  You only live once.  Also, I don't expect you to pay for everything.  We can go dutch.  If that is the case you can tell me in advance.  I like to be prepared.  Do not expect me to pay for you. 

I am not a fan of watching TV.  I don't even really like to sit down very often.  Do not expect me to relax by making me sit with you on the couch to watch some dumb show I could care less about....especially if it is football.  You can watch TV all you want but I like to do stuff.  If I have to do stuff alone well, then I'll be alone.  Get it?

Please remember there are words you can NEVER take back.  Not that I am not a forgiving person because I am.  I think most of my friends would agree I give WAY too many allowances and chances.  Saying things out of anger just to hurt me.....will not "get me back in line".  And although I do tend to give lots of chances....when I am done, I am done.  Sorry. 

Is this a list of all I am "looking" for in a man?  Heck no.  These are just a few of the things I think are important.  I, just like everyone else have things that I do like and don't like.  I am not going to give you all my secrets. Just know this.  I am a very kind and sweet person.  I will be wildly nice to you.  If you respect me I will treat you like a king.  That doesn't mean it is okay to treat me with little value.  If you don't value me...I am gone.  It may take me a while to do it because I want to see the good in people but trust me.  I will be out.  Does that make me "dramatic"?  Sure.  Say what you want but I don't like drama.  Being honest and laying it all out there....well, often times it does invite drama.  I don't run away - I face my demons head on.  That tends to create a little drama.  Whatever!?

Thank you for your time.  Oh- how I look forward to meeting you!

XOXO- dovey