I Keep Sitting Down To Write.....

....I want to tell you all sorts of things.  But I won't.  I have a smorgasbord of emotions ranging from shame to pure unadulterated thrill.  I am starting not to feel guilty about that.  It is a process.  I'll probably need years of therapy and lots of prayer (and Grace)! 

I've been working A LOT.  Most of you probably know I got a second job back in the fall.  I was bitter about it but now I am feel so blessed to have not one but two jobs - that I love.  I feel like I have a renewed energy for my career and for what the future holds for me.  I am going to go back to school.  I'll be getting my Masters in Social Work.  I'd like to go to the University of Tennessee.  As you can imagine that is complicated.  For now I am working too much.  But when I know the kids are going to be with JM I work as much as I can. Staying busy is a good thing.  And it has eased the financial burden some.  I was able to purchase a SUV....a Honda Pilot.  I really like it.  The van was really seeing some rough days.  It wasn't safe to drive anymore.  Ford acknowledged that but I was going to have to pay for a rental car to get them to check mine out.  The last time they wanted to check something out I had a rental for 5 months.  Either way.....I made my first payment last week - before they actually sent me my first bill.  That was cool.  It is not easy on gas though.  I needed something big enough for my family so that is a sacrifice I guess. 

The first two weeks in Cuyahoga Falls is "extra trash week".  If you don't live in the suburbs you probably don't understand.  In the suburbs we are told what type of containers to put our trash in and the amount we are allowed to throw away.  Except twice a year for a two week period of time you can throw away as much crap as you want to without paying extra.  I have never really taken advantage of it because....well let's be honest....I keep lots of stuff.  But I am downsizing....decluttering....donating....selling.  I can't have a garage sale.  I have been planning one for 2 years now.  I am not kidding.  You can't walk through my garage.  I have an entire craft room of crafts I haven't used in THREE years.  I am getting rid of stuff.  Extra trash week is gonna be exciting for me.  (Didn't I mention THRILL?) 

One last random thing.  This will probably shock you.  I don't think I am going to have a garden this year.  I simply don't have the time.  I already have a super SUPER busy summer planned.  I can't do a garden by myself.  I guess if someone was interested in a mini "garden co-op" I'd consider it.  I have the garden and a tiller.  I do however have lots and lots of flower beds that need much attention.  If it ever stops raining I will get right on those. 

A Little More Explanation...

So, I've talked to several people about my new blog.  A couple of you said something along the lines of this: "you do know people still know who you are?!"  Ha.  Of course I do.  I posted my blog on Facebook and I have 500+ friends on there.  I don't care about people looking at my blog.  I just wanted to avoid people googling my name and getting here.  That way if I client looks me up they don't get all my info.  Make sense?  It is a boundary.  I always look them up on various websites.  I am sure a few have looked me up. Once I was speaking to a detective on the telephone....trying to get the scoop on a case I was involved with.  While we were talking he apparently decided to look ME up in his system.  He said, "Whoa, what made you give up your lead foot in 2002?"  I used to speed.  Kinda a lot.  In my defense - I had a mustang, I had to drive fast.  Seriously.  I was a little embarrassed and taken off guard.  I said....well, in 2002 I had my first child AND I got a minivan!  He laughed. 

On another note - I think most everyone knows that stuff going on in my life.  I mean...I understand people talk.  I haven't really talked about it publicly for several reasons.  1.  It is horribly embarrassing to me.  2.  Maybe I really didn't think this was going to happen.  3.  It ruins my happy go lucky everything is so great image (HA).  4.  When I talk about it, well intentioned people ask questions and try to say helpful things that really turn out to be not so helpful.   5.  It hurts.   6.  We all know there is a fine line of what is appropriate and what is not.  I've crossed the line a few times back in the day.  I am trying to keep it cool here.  7.  I don't want to bad mouth JM.....he still is the father of my children.

So, that is that.  I probably won't talk about it again.

New Beginnings....

I've let my other blog go.  I wanted to go back but I couldn't make it work.  I miss writing.  I miss sharing.  I miss your input.  I've changed a few things this time around....  I am not including my full name in hopes of avoiding mixing business with pleasure.  So, I picked the name Dovey.  It is actaully the name of my Grandmother's sister.  I think it is a cool name and I have a dove tattoo so....Dovey it is. 

Life has changed.  It has been a very long winter.  I am looking forward to spring.  I've been hiding in my little world - trying to keep warm (physically, emotionally & spiritually).  "The Miller Way" doesn't really apply anymore.  I am uncomfortable even writing those words.  Admitting our failures and shortcomings is the first step....right?  Well, the new blog title is  "Beautiful Mess".  That is life.  My life.  Your life.  Life in general.  A Beautiful Mess.